The Sunday Morning..

I particularly remember that morning in my first year when I was feeling very homesick..I walked to the ocean on that bright Sunday morning and sat overlooking the ocean for perhaps five hours...I sat there missing home (or not), feeling nostalgiac of the past (or not), tired of being in U.S. already(or not)...and I saw the beautiful nature wanting to tell me something...and so I framed this poem in my mind..Its quite amateurish but nonetheless I liked the ending. Originally written in 2005 when I was a freshman in college....

Sunday Morning

The ocean extends as far as the eyes could net
The sky accompanying it singing the blues
Together they walk across the horizon hand in hand
In their embrace, sure eternity surrounds
As I kneeled down on the shore below a tree
The earth carpeted with grass, ornamented with flowers
A tree bowed down on me to tell me a story
A story of love without lost

As I along with the trees, the flowers, the grasses gazed
At the harmony with which the sky and ocean dazed (us)
On that Sunday morning, even the breeze seem to have come
To feel the love, the passion, of the sky and the ocean

All the others seem to cry that morning
With their tiny droplets tipping (dews)
I asked myself, are they the tears of rejoice
For the love they are witnessing
Or are they the tears of self pity
For the loneliness amplified on that Sunday morning.

Lonely

Lonely

Like the wrinkles on a face
Loneliness seem to have become apart of my personality
I want to sure erase it making different faces
But oh no, being normal it still feels lonely…

Sure I curb sometimes the loneliness with thoughts
And more with imaginations
But coming back to the real world hurts a lot, hurts a lot
With the cold wintry blues piercing me right through my heart,
And the smug of warm spring afternoon tearing me apart,
What do I seek?
What do I deserve?
I ask myself and I daze into the countless minutes I walked across so far

I see no fault of mine
I see no remorse even of the thickness of a dime
And yet I am lonely
Loved but lonely
Cared but lonely
Hated but lonely

Tell me why I feel this
Is this because I have placed myself in a bubble
From where love doesn’t touch no more
Hate doesn’t bother no more
Caress doesn’t attract no more

Why have I become so?
Is this because
I lived an unusual life
Is this because
I lived with a big lie in my life
Is this because guilt hunts me
For thing I didn’t do


What should I do?
What should I do?
For the person I can to talk
Is sleeping among the angels
For the person who brings me out of the bubble
has scooped me out of his life…
Hope is for losers,
Recovery is for me
But how do I recover
For many things are inscribed in me
Like an epitome in a lonely dark graveyard,
I shiver at the thought
And yet I tell myself
It aint your fault deechi,
It aint your fault…
But then I feel
Had it been not my fault,
Why did I feel the way I did?
Why did I change after the incident
To become a person I am now.

Somehow deech is long killed
Somehow I lived my life with a burden
Burden of being someone
So as to make people like me
Love me, care for me
But sure I did not realize
No matter what I be
Loneliness is not gonna leave me, not gonna leave me…

Beckoning the gone..

Beckoning the gone

Four years have passed
Since you chose your brother than us
Four years have passed
Since you left without us with your brother in the heavenly bus
O mother, I never thought, you liked heaven better than us
O mother, I never thought, you liked your brother better than us


They told me you took the bus to heaven
They told me I will be okay in days of seven
They told me I shall be strong
For you have gone to heaven, done away with worldly wrongs
But trust me, your memories have gone counted uncountable
But trust me, the void attempted to fathom I, is unfathomable

Four year, and you were right here with me
Four years, I dread still the sight of thee
On that fateful day, I was told you’d set yourself free
for your brother, thou must have loved him better than us (siblings) three

(written 09-14-05)

Entanglement

Entanglement

Zigzagging in the memories, dwell I
Unable to discern past, present, and future
‘I’ doesn’t seem to meet ‘I’
For ‘I’ remains entangled in the entanglement of past, present, and future.

Hoping on hopes, dancing on expectations
‘I’ seem to have dissolved somewhere
Perhaps in the thin air, perhaps in the memory lanes
Or perhaps fulfilling the worldly college requirements...
(written 10/27/06)

*sigh*

"I grabbed a pile of dust, and holding it up, foolishly asked for as many birthdays as the grains of dust. I forgot to ask they be years of youth." - Metamorphosis

Nothing else matters

This one is a continuation of my journal entry on June 06, 2005 -the previous post

Nothing else matters
Not even the breathe
on which I have been holding on for so long
Not even the sun
that has been telling me one day things will be different
Not even the drops of dew
ornamenting the most neglected leaf
seeing which has been giving me pleasure inexpressible

Nothing else matters
Not even the biggest wish come true
Not even the darkest day gone bright
Not even eternity passing by
Neither getting once deserved dream

Nothing else matters
But for you...


*eeeeeeeeeishhhh..these posts do bring back some harsh memories..* Glad I am moved on :)

Journal post Jun '05

Today I felt like digging out some posts in my diary and I stumbled upon a post on 6th June, 2005. It begins like this..

Things have moved so fast. It's already summer holidays and I am as lonely as I have always been before. Much has happened since I wrote the last page of my life.... {then I talk about some personal stuff ending with a poem}


Battles of sights stopped,
Flutternig of breeze halted,
I still remember the day you hold me.
Marathon of breathe froze...


I do remember those eyse
changing into an ocean of mysteriousness
as I walked with you
across time and space...

I do remmeber fishing for sparkles of love
that I thought might existed
in those eyes
which have been with me ever since I met you

I do remeber even wanting to see
the indepthness of anger
in those eyes
where the mysteriousness drove me crazy

I also remember wishing to know
what remained hidden behind the curtain
of those eues
on which I felt once and ever since then...

Alas, never could I figure out
any sparkles of love
Worst still yet
never did I get
even anger of real kind

Now tie and space of our meeting have cross us
and we have crossed them
but anchors of our memories
have remained intertwined
at the junction where if we look back
we will find ourselves
falling in love, once upon a time...